Why is dating so hard?

Have you sometimes had the feeling that dating is so hard?

Well you’re not alone.

Most people who are, or have been, dating think that it sucks. A survey of almost 5000 US adults carried out in 2019 by the Pew Research Center found that 67% of people reported that their dating life was awful, with 75% saying that dating was really difficult.

Of course dating is complicated, because humans in general are complicated.

But what often happens is that we make life more complicated for ourselves. As the Chinese philosopher alledgedly said… “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius.

And this holds true for dating. In our quest to find “The One”, we make things more difficult than they need to be. Unfortunately, the conditioning we get bombarded with as we grow up, from society, from education, from our family, from our peers at school, leads us down a misguided path when it comes to love, romance, and dating.

The good news is there are ways and tools available to us turn this around, and make dating quite a lot easier than we have experienced up to now.

Tantric Dating can be so much more fun, enjoyable, and rewarding.

Tantra is one such way. The path of Tantra is a remarkable philosophy dating back thousands of years to India, which is perfectly suited for living a spiritually fulfilling life in today’s modern world. By adopting a Tantric approach we can make the dating process so much more fun, enjoyable, and rewarding.

Before I discovered Tantra I struggled with the dating process. I found it frustrating to have to keep on searching, messaging, going out on dates, and then get disappointed that we didn’t click. Then I would have to start the whole process again. It was exhausting, and I would end up with a pretty skeptical and critical attitude about dating, which only served to close me off from better experiences.

Looking back I can see how I was stuck in the conventional approach to dating… one based on an un-loving and negative attitude about myself and others.

Conventional dating keeps us stuck in an unloving and disposable attitude towards people.

It’s sad but true that the modern society in which we are brought up in conditions us to be unloving towards ourselves, to not value ourselves, to focus more on our imperfections, and to demonise those parts of ourselves which are not accepted as beautiful in the eyes of social media.

Law of Attraction teaches that we should have a clear and detailed vision of exactly the kind of person we want to attract. But if we get to extreme with this, too obsessed about the small details, and we don’t have any flexibility, we can miss out on real opportunities for soul-level love.

Instead of focusing on the authentic beauty of their quirks, we are looking out for potential deal-breakers. We are constantly evaluating whether or not this person is a good candidate for the fantasy of perfect love. And if not, we are ready to discard them at the drop of a hat… later to become just another horror story to laugh about with our friends.

This unloving attitude towards others and ourselves has created a culture of disposable dating. We are so accustomed to using things, then throwing them away and buying new replacements. This mindset is prevalent in the dating industry… one only needs to spend a little time on dating apps such as Tinder to see how many people are ready to drop their potential date just as quickly as they would throw away a used tissue.

Tantra teaches that everything is sacred and beautiful.

The Tantric approach to dating starts from the basis that everyone is an expression of the same Divine consciousness.

When we recognise that everyone is special, that everyone is a unique living spark of the Divine, then we realise that the person we are with right now in this moment can be our beloved. Whether just chatting online for the first time, or out together on a date, this person is our true love… even if only for that moment. In that moment we can share a profound love through the simple opening up of our mindset and attitude.

YuTantra.com is a new Tantra dating and events online community… a private and respectful space where you can find and connect with others who share an interest in Tantra.


Most daters say their dating lives aren’t going well and it’s difficult to find people to date. Article posted 2020 on pewresearch.org

Cherishing your own radiant beauty (Tantrasaara Chapter Four, Part 5) Article by Christopher Wallis. Posted 2019 on his blog Hareesh.org

Introduction to Tantra: The Transformation of Desire. Revised edition 2014. Wisdom Publications. Lama Yeshe.

Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process. 2nd edition 2020. Green Tara Press. Catherine Auman.

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